My hands cramp up as I
Knit stitch after stitch,
Trying to form the perfect tapestry
Out of an imperfect heart.
It never ends
This cloak of guilt.
Day after day I punch the sky,
Trying to find a way out
A way to freedom.
My legs are on fire as I
Run in staggered steps,
My lungs constricted by the winter chill.
I don’t know what I’m running from,
But I can feel the weight of it
Reaching for me like a dense fog.
Day after day I collapse into its dark embrace,
Wondering if there’s a way out
A way to deliverance.
Always I try
To do more good.
To beat the pressure
Of a soul that’s constantly thirsty.
Always I try
To fix each stitch.
To pull together
The yarns of my sin.
Always I try
To run a little farther.
To leave behind
My ghost stained past.
But the yarn is cold and metallic,
A binding chain wrapped around my wrists.
I’m running around in circles,
But getting nowhere.
And that’s when You lift up my face,
Reaching for my hands as my fingers
Slip through the holes in Your palms.
And that’s when You smile
With blood cracked skin,
Revealing the burden You’ve chosen to carry.
And that’s when I set
My needles down.
The chains breaking
As the yarn of rituals unravel.
And that’s when my feet
Come to a stand still.
My breath coming back in waves
As I inhale the present.
And that’s when I see
The cross in the thicket
Of my messy life.
I drop to my knees knowing that
Once was enough.
You’ve always been enough.
Written by Emily Susanne at fearfullywonderfullyme.com, 2016 ©
This is actually a poem that I am working on for my creative writing class. I wanted to share it with you, lovely reader, because I know what it’s like to struggle with guilt from the past.
Sin has a way of trapping and isolating us. Even our well-intended mistakes as Christians can make us feel separated from God.
But God is a loving Father. You don’t have to keep trying to make up for your past sins. You don’t have to keep punishing yourself for your past.
Jesus died for your sins and faults. He was mocked, beaten, scourged, humiliated, and nailed to a cross to take YOUR place. Why did He do this? Because God loves you. He loves you so much that He would, and has, gone to the most extreme measure to set you free.
It only took one sacrifice by our God on the cross to set us free. Once was enough. Now walk in this love.
For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy (Hebrews 10:14 NIV).
Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts in the comments below 🙂
Find me on Instagram @fearfullywonderfullyme