Fearfully Wonderfully Me

Growing in God and Inspiring Young Women Through Faith and Fashion

What it’s Really Like Being a Newlywed

Hello, lovely one! If you’re new here, welcome. If you’ve been a faithful follower of this blog, then I ‘m sure you can tell it’s been a while since I’ve last posed. I apologize for that, but I’m so happy for all that God has been working in me these last several months.

Over the last year, I’ve been through a huge transition. I graduated college, got a new job, and moved out on my own.

And just a month ago, I got married to my husband Owen. I know that marriage is something that many women–Christian or not–desire. I know I did!

FearfullyWonderfullyMe
Photography by Maliya Wayner

And while marriage is an awesome adventure, I found out some surprising lessons about being married that no one really prepared me for. My hope is that you’ll read these 3 unexpected lessons I’ve learned as a newlywed and store them in your heart for now and the future.

Being a Newlywed Doesn’t Change Who You Are

When you get engaged, you are suddenly labeled as a bride. You feel special, and that’s how it should be! I felt like a Disney princess on my wedding day and will always remember that. 

So naturally, I thought this princess transformation would last into newlywed life. I was wrong. Reality soon hit after the honeymoon.

Work, grocery shopping, cleaning, and then my brand new husband coming down with a cold snapped me back to reality real quick. 

Don’t get me wrong, marriage does change your life. I’m living with my husband and sharing everything with him. I’m spending each day with my best friend. That’s life changing in the greatest way!

But marriage doesn’t change who you are on the inside. 

I still battle with fear and insecurity, just like I did when I was single. The enemy can and will attack us, so we can’t let our guard down, whether single or married. 

This is why it’s so important to learn who we are in Christ and be rooted in our identity as children of God. 

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. (1 John 3:1 NIV)

Our worth does not depend on our relationship status. Our worth is based on the love Christ showed us by dying for us on the cross. Having this foundation for our confidence will make for a healthy and joyful life–whether single or married. 

Marriage Comes with a Grieving Process 

The hardest part of marriage so far has been letting go of my old life. I love being a newlywed. Owen and I have so much fun together and are enjoying the adventure of making our home (and cooking lots of yummy food!). 

But I miss my mom. I miss my childhood home. I miss some of the familiarity of my old routine. 

This is normal and all part of the “cleaving” process of becoming one flesh. 

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24 NIV)

I wouldn’t trade my marriage to Owen for anything in the world. And we are learning to allocate time alone for friends and family, as well as using our marriage as a ministry of hospitality. 

With any major life change, we must close one chapter as we begin another. And with the help and comfort of the Holy Spirit, we can do this with courage and excitement. 

Marriage Points to Something Greater Than Ourselves

There are so many books and sermons that explain how marriage teaches us to love like Jesus. I always nodded in agreement, knowing deep down that I could never fully understand until I became a newlywed.

And I’m learning. Marriage requires giving and sacrifice. Sometimes I can’t always watch the movie I want, or I may need to step up and care for my husband’s cold. And he does the same for me. 

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16 NIV

But that’s what true love is. Jesus showed the greatest love for us when He willingly gave Himself as the perfect sacrifice on the cross. 

This is the romance of the Gospel, and the reason why we love weddings and romantic movies. We all want to be swept off our feet by a Savior prince who loves us unconditionally. 

Whether you are single or married, you can experience the fulfilling love of God that comes from knowing His Son Jesus. 

That is the love that transforms us in our singleness and in our marriage. It’s the love of Christ that transforms us into who we truly are–His eternal bride. 

Thanks for reading! What about you? Has marriage taught you any surprising lessons? Is there anything you hope to learn to prepare yourself for marriage one day? 

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below. 🙂

(Our wedding photography was shot by the talented Maliya Wayner)

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10 Comments

  1. Awesome post Emily! As a single gal, it’s a blessing to be able to look to a friend in a different season of life and get a glimpse into the future. Also, so true that we can all know the love of Jesus – whether we’re single, dating, or married! Thanks for sharing!❤️

    • fearfullywonderfullyme

      September 20, 2019 at 1:09 am

      You’re welcome Courtney! Thank you for all of your support. And you are so right. Satan wants us to think that there is always something better, but the greatest gift is right now with the Lord and the eternal life we have with Him!

  2. Emily,
    First of all, congratulations!
    This was an excellent post. I too appreciated the information about grieving the things left behind. We don’t often hear about that.

    God bless you and your husband!

    • fearfullywonderfullyme

      June 7, 2019 at 2:14 am

      Thank you for your comment and blessing Beckie! I’m so glad this post resonated with you.

  3. It’s very nice to pass along this good advice while you’re still in the moment. Many people don’t realize or accept these ideas until much later.

    • fearfullywonderfullyme

      June 5, 2019 at 4:29 pm

      Thank you for reading Dan! I agree. I think it will be great to look back upon one day.

  4. This is such a great post, Emily! The grieving of missing parts of your single life is seldom, if ever, talked about. It can come as quite a surprise. It’s not that you don’t wish to me married but, just like you said, you are having to let go of your happy childhood home and all the time you could spend with your friends. In many ways, you had only yourself to consider. But that life has abruptly ended. Now a whole new list of responsibilities have set in and a new bride’s heart squeezes a bit at the memory of how carefree life used to be. It’s not that you wish you hadn’t married; it’s that you always grieve what was special when it is gone. Now it’s time for you to implement all the things you learned in your childhood home and create a happy home for you and your husband, as well as your children one day. And if you do it right, your children will grieve just a bit when they have to leave their happy home too. Excellent blog post! And CONGRATULATIONS on your marriage! I’m so glad you met a wonderful young man. God bless your life together always!

    • fearfullywonderfullyme

      June 5, 2019 at 11:31 am

      Thank you so much Anne! Your comment means so much to me. The grieving process was honestly hard to write about, as I know it’s not common to mention. You’re right that we tend to not realize what we have until it’s gone. So it’s important to enjoy both our singleness and our marriage! That being said, married life is a gift that we are both enjoying. Thank you for your blessings and prayers!

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