Hello lovely one! My goal is to revive this blog, and I wanted to give you all an update on something important in my life: My health journey.
The subject of healing was often the kryptonite of my faith. I’ve often wondered, why does God heal some people in this life, while letting others suffer? Why does He answer the prayers of certain saints and not others?
I decided to follow Jesus at the age of seventeen–not really understanding what it meant. That’s also the time my health took a downturn, both mentally and physically.
Throughout the years, God delivered me from depression, panic attacks, hair pulling, and disordered eating. He’s also brought me to a place of physical healing–though it’s not yet complete.
I have IBS and POTS, which causes a high heart rate upon standing, among other symptoms such as chronic fatigue and dizziness. A few years ago I was struggling just to get out of bed because of all my symptoms.
I’m a believer of the gifts of the Holy Spirit–including healing. One night in the fall of 2018, right after I started a new job, the elders of the church I attended were praying for healing.
My heart sank. For years I had been prayed over and anointed with oil. I believed and declared all of the healing scriptures over my body and took communion often. I did all the right things. Would this finally be my time?
The elders were full of compassion as they prayed for me. I actually felt a wave of energy hit me like electricity, and I fell back. Warmth and peace flooded my heart. I knew it was the Holy Spirit.
Ever since the that day my health has steadily improved. Although I still have bad days, they are not the norm. I can exercise and go for small walks with my husband. I can work and even drive. And God gets all the glory!
I know I’m not alone on this journey either. So many other young women experience a chronic illness, but unfortunately, I think there is a lack of understanding on what the Bible says about sickness.
I was taught that it’s always God’s will to heal in this life, and that you just need to have enough faith. I was also told not to “speak” illness over myself, but to proclaim healing so I could get results.
Despite everyone’s best intentions, I lived in constant fear. I feared opening up about my struggles or symptoms and look like I didn’t have enough faith.
The lie I believed was that if I didn’t think or say the right thing, then God would withhold healing from me.
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I believed that the God who loved me so much that He gave His only Son to die for my sins would withhold what was good for me.
He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? (Romans 8:32 NKJV)
I believed that I could heal myself through my works. It was all on me.
But that is not the Gospel. We can do nothing to earn healing or salvation. Our sin is too huge in light of such a Holy God. But Jesus is our perfect spotless Lamb–without any sin–who took our place on the cross.
For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. (Ephesians 2:8-9 NKJV)
Once I realized this truth, I could fully receive the grace of God over my life. Healing was His to give and mine to receive–at His perfect timing.
In John chapter 9. a blind man is in need of sight. He echoes the struggles many of us face–trials, sickness, and loss. We often wonder, was it something I did? Is God punishing me?
Now as Jesus passed by, He saw a man who was blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, saying, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him. (John 9:1-3 NKJV)
Lovely one, never believe that God is punishing you with illness. Jesus took that for you on the cross.
Even in the passage above, we see the common human thought that illness is a punishment for our sins. But Jesus had a different purpose.
If that man hadn’t been blind…if Lazarus hadn’t died…If the apostles in Acts weren’t thrown into prison…
If we didn’t face trials and hardship, then we would miss the heroic plan of God’s redemption in our lives.
We would never see our sin and weakness. We would think our lives are perfect when our souls are really starving.
I think a big issue for American Christians is that we expect God to give us easy lives with little to no pain. We want the blessing without the persevering. We want God’s hand more than His heart.
All of the great heroes of faith in the Bible and in modern times suffered. They are just like us.
If you are struggling with illness, or any other trial, remember that God cares and that He has already overcome the world (John 16:33). Keep persisting in prayer, because He still answers.
Always remember that our greatest goal is not to have everything perfect in this life. Our greatest goal is to build treasure in heaven and to look to Jesus always.
My healing journey isn’t over, and neither is yours. Everyday is a second chance, and I am so thankful to walk with my Savior every step of the way.
Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith (Philippians 3:8-9 NKJV)
Thanks for reading! Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below!
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