Fearfully Wonderfully Me

Growing in God and Inspiring Young Women Through Faith and Fashion

Category: eating disorder (page 1 of 2)

Chasing Worth

I was having lunch with my aunt when she told me about a memory she had of me when I was about seven years old. She said that on my 7th Easter, my cousin and I stood up in church and dedicated our lives to Jesus.

My memory of this is super cloudy, and we never went to church much when I was a kid. However, I always felt that God was real, and that He was drawing me in.

Fast-forward from that childhood moment to ten years later, when I was seventeen and falling apart. I had just broken up with my first boyfriend and was starving myself.

I felt depressed and hopeless, to the point of self-harm. Shame consumed me. I truly thought that the world would be better off without me.

I remember the nights of lying in bed weeping and fighting hunger, asking God if He was there and if He would help me get to sleep. Within a few minutes I would drift off into a warm slumber.

The love of Jesus found other ways to pursue me. I stumbled upon Christian songs and movies, and eventually my mom and I decided to go to church. I was saved the November of my junior year, but the real battle had just begun.

Crumbling Worth

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Soon I started college. I tried finding my worth in places that always crumbled—boys, achievements, looks—they all failed me. I developed chronic health issues, as well as anxiety. Food became a battle, as my digestive issues made it hard to eat.

I hated the way I looked, even though I was thin from being ill. I isolated myself frequently, until one day, a sweet girl invited me to the church college group. Though I was terrified to go, I actually made friends. Slowly, my relationship with Jesus grew stronger.

The things I was stuck in—such as anxiety and disordered eating—lost their grip on my heart. When I became a leader for the church youth group, I realized I wanted more from life than focusing on the superficial or worldly pursuits I was used to.

During an intensive winter retreat with the youth three years ago, I fully surrendered my life to the Lord. Although I still struggle with anxiety or negative self-image at times, I now recognize these feelings as weapons the devil uses to keep us from God.

I now eat healthily and for the first time in years, I appreciate the body God gave me. Panic attacks and breakdowns are decreasing, and when they happen, I know the Lord is always there to hold me through it. Even my physical health is improving!

A Changed Heart

Chasing Worth

Since I decided to follow Jesus with my whole heart, my life has changed. I found meaning and purpose for my life, and am able to love others better.

There is a cost, of course. I had to give up my old ways of living. But I consider that as nothing compared to the life Christ has given me through His death and resurrection. I may not be perfect, but my Savior is.

As my aunt reminded me of my childhood salvation, I couldn’t help but smile. Although I didn’t understand what that fully entailed as a child, it opened my heart to the Lord.

Now it all makes sense why I’ve always felt Jesus there, even in the midst of my darkest moments. The love of my Father has never left me. God pursues me no matter where I run, and He reminds me that my worth is rooted in Him alone.

Will you make a choice today, lovely one? Will you stop running from God and chasing worth in things that will always fail you? Jesus is ready for you to come home. You don’t have to chase self-worth or love. It was already won for you on the cross.

The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” (Jeremiah 31:3 NIV)

Thanks for reading! Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below 🙂

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NEDA Week and the Call of the Gospel

For those of you who don’t know, February 26-March 4 is NEDA week. NEDA week is about raising awareness for different types of eating disorders and encouraging recovery. It’s about ending the stigma and shame associated with this branch of mental illness.

It’s about saving the lives of women and young girls, who die physically and spiritually from this disease every year.

NEDA Meets Jesus

If you’ve been following my blog for a while, then you may know that I have struggled with an eating disorder.

Mine was not the type that anyone noticed. I did not stop eating or puke, and I have always been naturally thin. However, due to a mix of low self-esteem, anxiety, and health issues affecting my digestive system, I had a very negative view of eating.

Two years ago I made the life-changing choice of recovery. I knew that I couldn’t serve both God and an eating disorder, so with the help of the Lord, online support groups, and a close friend, I started getting better.

I thought that I would never win this mental battle, and truthfully, the devil still haunts my mind with self-defeating thoughts. But everyday I’m getting stronger. The victory is God’s.

This is one of the reasons why I care so much about encouraging other young women. The Bible says we are to lift each other up, creating a ripple effect of impact on those around us.

Becoming an Example

Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. (Titus 2:3 NLT)

As women of God, we have been commanded to teach younger women how to lead God-honoring lives. We are supposed to be an example to those who don’t know Jesus or who are new to the faith.

That doesn’t mean we won’t make mistakes or struggle with sin. I know I am definitely not perfect. But we should be humble enough to admit our mistakes and learn from them. We should take what we’ve learned and teach younger women and girls.

One of the reasons I chose recovery is because I knew Christian women who were more mature in their faith. They poured into my life and guided me to the right path. They helped me learn my identity in Christ.

Answering the Call

Today there are girls in elementary school who diet and hate the way they look. They are turning to their phones and social media for validation. They idolize celebrities for their self worth.

These girls and teens are the enemy’s main target for mental illnesses such as eating disorders and depression.

While campaigns such as NEDA week are helpful and needed, the true cure for eating disorders is Jesus.

NEDA week and the call of the Gospel

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Only the power of Jesus can take away our fear of food. Only the salvation of Jesus can redeem our broken past. And only the love of Jesus can teach us how to love ourselves.

Lovely one, you are more valuable in the eyes of God than you will ever know. He wants you to root your identity in Him and be set free. He wants you to be a light for the next generation.

Young women and girls everywhere need our help. Will you rise up to answer the call?

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, (Isaiah 61:1 NIV)

If you or a loved one is struggling with an eating disorder, there is help! Please check out these links or contact me for additional information.

www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline (call or text support line)

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-treatment/treatment-and-support-groups (Find treatment)

Want a relationship with Jesus? Click here!


Thanks for reading! Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below 🙂

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Connect with me on Instagram @fearfullywonderfullyme

**I’m on Twitter!** Follow me @Emily_Susanne1

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An Unexpected Lesson on Confidence

There I was, looking in the mirror of the thrift store fitting room as I tried on a pair of super cute jeans. I didn’t like the reflection I saw, and for some reason,  I was having a hard time getting over it.

If you’ve been following my blog for a while now, then you know that I’m in recovery from an eating disorder.  Although I have come a long way, there are still moments when I lose confidence in who I am. This was one of those times.

As I threw on my regular clothes and left the fitting room, I tried to shrug off the negative thoughts about my appearance that I knew were just lies from the enemy. And that’s when I saw her.

She was sitting on an old dusty sofa, looking at her feet. I sat down beside her, unsure of what to say. This was a woman who was “different” in terms of what society says is beautiful or worthy of attention. She was a little overweight and wearing old clothes and no makeup. But her smile and voice could melt any heart.

When I started talking to her, I realized that she had a mental disability of some kind.  I couldn’t make out her name or a lot of what she tried to say to me,  but when I complimented her long braided hair, she lit up like a  candle.

After I left the thrift store, I sat in the car for a moment to pray for the woman, who I knew was very dear to God’s heart. And that’s when it hit me–God sees that woman, and He sees me too.

Jesus loves and died for that woman, just like He did for me. If I could see the beauty and worth in a complete stranger, then that must mean that God can see the beauty and worth in me, His beloved daughter.

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. (1 John 3:1 NIV

Isn’t it amazing how God uses the most unexpected people to speak into our lives? I sure hope I could bless that woman in some way because she sure was a gift to me. She reminded me that God created us all uniquely–with different strengths and weaknesses.

Once we become secured in our identity as children of God, we begin to view ourselves a whole lot differently. This world seems to be plagued by one identity crisis after another. Why? Because people don’t know Jesus and that they belong to Him.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (Psalm 139:13-14 NIV)

Lovely reader, the next time you feel like you’re not thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough, or good enough, remember that God sees you. Remember that He knows you in ways that you don’t even know yourself. And yet, despite our flaws and sins, He loves us anyway. The blood of Jesus makes us new.

I want you to remember this so that the next time you look in the mirror, you realize that you are made in God’s image, and that He calls you good (Genesis 1:27). This is the confidence that no enemy can rob you of.


Thanks for reading! Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below 🙂

Connect with me on Instagram @fearfullywonderfullyme

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Blogger Recognition Award!

Hello lovely readers and followers! I’ve been nominated by the lovely Courtney from 1timothy412Girl for the Blogger Recognition Award (thanks girl)! I’m so excited to share this post with you today.

The rules of this challenge are 

  • Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  • Write a post to show your award.
  • Give a brief story of how your blog started.
  • Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers.
  • Select 15 other bloggers you want to give this award to.
  • Comment on each blog and let them know you have nominated them & provide the link to the post you created.

How My Blog Started

I’ve always liked writing, and you can find out more about my writing journey in this post. I didn’t know I wanted to start a blog until after I became a serious Christian at the beginning of college. I started to read blogs by Christian women that helped guide me in my faith. Through these posts I found inspiration, comfort, and the message of who God is. After reading one particular blogger’s posts, I thought that maybe I could do it too!

I used to have a Tumblr in high school, as well as an amateur blog that was more like a diary. These were my creative channels through some of the darkest periods of my eating disorder and depression. I deleted these blogs shortly after starting college because I knew they were only hurting myself and others.

When I created FearfullyWonderfullyMe, I wanted to make a blog that would help heal myself and others. I wanted to give back and help other women grow in their faith (and have a little fun through my fashion posts).

To be honest, I think that I will eventually fade out the fashion posts completely. Don’t get me wrong, I still love to shop and talk about modesty, but my blog’s main theme is helping women find their identity and worth in Christ.

I’ve been  blogging for two years now, and I have grown so much. This blog is my baby, and I am so thankful that God has used me to influence and encourage my readers. I can’t wait to see what the Lord has in store for the future!

My Advice to New Bloggers

1. Have a Passion and a Plan. 

Make sure you have something you are passionate enough to write about–whether it be faith, fashion, travel, health, crafts, etc. Of course you can write about more than one topic, but overdoing it can also be pretty stressful.

It’s important to have quality posts over quantity. Take your time with your drafts and make sure to practice your writing! Pinterest has tons of ideas for new bloggers on how to set up a new blog and write successful posts. Blogging takes time, energy, and patience. The more you put into it, the more you will see the results.

2. Embrace Community

I had no idea how supportive the blogging community could be until my Grandma died and some amazing bloggers posted for me while I grieved. In fact, the only reason I got this award is because of a blogging friend who nominated me.

We are all in this together, and can help each other grow. The best thing you can do as a new blogger is to read other blogs you are interested in (and that are similar to yours) and leave thoughtful comments. Share other blogger’s work and join Facebook groups. This will help you build a loyal following.

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” –African Proverb

I Nominate:

Beauty Beyond Bones

Seeker of Truth

SuperMom Mentality

No Facilities

Karina’s Thought 

Spotlight

Me Set Free


Thanks for reading! Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below 🙂

Connect with me on Instagram @fearfullywonderfullyme

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Valentine’s Day Validation

Valentine’s Day–the day for couples to shower each other with gifts, chocolates, and fancy dates. And the day for single women to watch chick flicks (Princess Diaries anyone?) while eating their weight in chocolate.  I’ve actually been on both sides of this holiday, and to be honest, there’s a lot more hype about Valentine’s Day than there really should be.

One of my blogger friends Courtney asked me if I was going to do a Valentine’s Day post. Truthfully, I kind of forgot about that! But it soon hit me that this kind of post is needed not only for myself, but for all single women.

A couple of nights ago I walked into a drug store and found myself trudging down the dreaded red and pink aisle full of candy and oversize stuffed bears and felt pretty depressed.

It was like I had a giant lacy red sign above my head reading “Not Good Enough” for the world to see. That whole night I felt kind of melancholy, but I just couldn’t figure out why. As I was trying to do some homework while listening to worship music, I felt so drawn to worship God that I had to put my pen down.  And that’s when it hit me:

The whole day I was seeking validation from anything but the only One who can truly fulfill my deepest desires. I was searching for worth, love, and satisfaction by daydreaming of romance and candy hearts instead of finding it in my precious Jesus.

Now there’s nothing wrong with liking romance or wanting to be married one day (one of my favorite things to write is a good love story), but we have to be careful not to make idols out of these things–whether we are single, dating, or even married.

A friend recently recommended a book called Get Lost by Dannah Gresh, and I have to say that as I read through it, I found that it is one of the most refreshing books on dating and romance out there. Instead of just telling us how to nab a Godly guy (or how to avoid them like the plague), it gets to the root of why us women can become so obsessed with romance.

Gresh calls it the “Violent Craving,” and you can read more about that in her book if you want. Basically, before the fall of man, God was the only One who could fulfill the desires of man and womankind. Since sin has entered the picture, we seek validation and satisfaction in things other than God. As I read Get Lost, I found myself nodding my head in agreement to everything she wrote.

Think about it lovely reader. How many ways have you tried to seek validation in your life? Maybe it was a relationship or obsession with some cute guy. Maybe it was planning your whole wedding on Pinterest (without even having an engagement ring on your finger).

Maybe your validation doesn’t even come from romantic things. Maybe it comes from dieting and weight loss, social media likes, or clothes. Trust me, I get it. I’ve been that girl standing in the Valentine’s Day aisle of Walgreens trying not to cry. I’ve been that girl looking in the mirror trying not to feel less than adequate.

The only difference is that I’m starting to realize where my true validation lies. This is the truth that I want you to know:

God made you valid when He died for you on the cross.

 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. (John 15:13 NIV)

There is no greater measure of love and worth than this. A Godly relationship is a great blessing to look forward to, but it can’t make you whole. Looking good is a fun hobby, but it won’t bring you true joy. All of the things the world offers us as a temporary fix only masks the true remedy we all need–Jesus.

This Valentine’s Day, whether you are single or in a relationship, I challenge you to remember where your worth and identity truly lie. I challenge you to remember that there is no one or nothing on this planet that can validate you more than Jesus Christ. His love is the kind of love we need to be chasing after.

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:37-39 NIV)


Thanks for reading! Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below 🙂

(Note: I am not affiliated with the product above. All opinions are my own.)

Connect with me on Instagram @fearfullywonderfullyme

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