Fearfully Wonderfully Me

Growing in God and Inspiring Young Women Through Faith and Fashion

Category: recovery

How to Find Your Self Worth

This is going to sound totally cliché, but I had a real “God moment” at Chick Fil A a couple of weeks ago.

While I waited for my food, I noticed an older woman sitting in a wheel chair. My heart just melted. For some reason she reminded me of my grandma, who passed away last year.

The woman and I introduced ourselves and discussed flowers. As I was leaving the restaurant, she said something that caught me off guard:

It’s nice to know you. 

How many people do we meet everyday, yet we don’t even really know or see their worth? 

At that moment, when I looked into the woman’s dark yet vibrant eyes, I realized how important it is to actually be known by someone. To slow down and look at a person’s face and take it all in. To find out that their favorite flower is a purple cone flower.

If you want to know the key to finding your self worth, then please keep reading. 

Worth in Creation

There are a lot of people who are lost, not realizing their identity and worth in Christ. I know this because I was that person. As a teenager I didn’t feel like anyone saw me–unless they were looking at my flaws.

I know I’m not the only one who understands these feelings. Many teens and adults have experienced this. Maybe even you, lovely reader.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” (Jeremiah 1:5 NIV

It still blows my mind to know that God created me and set me apart–and it was for His own will and pleasure! You are not an accident, lovely one. No matter what anyone else says–whether they are a parent, friend, or someone else close to you–you matter.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (Psalm 139:13-14 NIV

Not only are we created by God, but He thinks we’re awesome! Although we are sinners, as soon as we come to know Christ, we are washed clean by His blood. This is when we can shine God’s light and see what He sees in us.

Worth in Relationship

“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me—” (John 10:14 NIV)

When we choose to follow Jesus, we enter into a relationship with Him that is more dynamic than we could ever fathom. Not only does God know us, but now we can get to know Him.

And that’s not all. Through this lifelong journey, we can also get to know ourselves. We can discover our strengths, weaknesses, and talents. We can watch God’s purpose for our lives unfold as we build a life with Him.

The only way you’ll ever find your worth is if you find yourself in Jesus. You won’t find it in earthly things like work, success, or relationships.

God knows you, and He wants every single piece of your heart. It’s amazing when somebody knows you, but there is nothing like being known by the King who created you. 


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An Unexpected Lesson on Confidence

There I was, looking in the mirror of the thrift store fitting room as I tried on a pair of super cute jeans. I didn’t like the reflection I saw, and for some reason,  I was having a hard time getting over it.

If you’ve been following my blog for a while now, then you know that I’m in recovery from an eating disorder.  Although I have come a long way, there are still moments when I lose confidence in who I am. This was one of those times.

As I threw on my regular clothes and left the fitting room, I tried to shrug off the negative thoughts about my appearance that I knew were just lies from the enemy. And that’s when I saw her.

She was sitting on an old dusty sofa, looking at her feet. I sat down beside her, unsure of what to say. This was a woman who was “different” in terms of what society says is beautiful or worthy of attention. She was a little overweight and wearing old clothes and no makeup. But her smile and voice could melt any heart.

When I started talking to her, I realized that she had a mental disability of some kind.  I couldn’t make out her name or a lot of what she tried to say to me,  but when I complimented her long braided hair, she lit up like a  candle.

After I left the thrift store, I sat in the car for a moment to pray for the woman, who I knew was very dear to God’s heart. And that’s when it hit me–God sees that woman, and He sees me too.

Jesus loves and died for that woman, just like He did for me. If I could see the beauty and worth in a complete stranger, then that must mean that God can see the beauty and worth in me, His beloved daughter.

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. (1 John 3:1 NIV

Isn’t it amazing how God uses the most unexpected people to speak into our lives? I sure hope I could bless that woman in some way because she sure was a gift to me. She reminded me that God created us all uniquely–with different strengths and weaknesses.

Once we become secured in our identity as children of God, we begin to view ourselves a whole lot differently. This world seems to be plagued by one identity crisis after another. Why? Because people don’t know Jesus and that they belong to Him.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (Psalm 139:13-14 NIV)

Lovely reader, the next time you feel like you’re not thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough, or good enough, remember that God sees you. Remember that He knows you in ways that you don’t even know yourself. And yet, despite our flaws and sins, He loves us anyway. The blood of Jesus makes us new.

I want you to remember this so that the next time you look in the mirror, you realize that you are made in God’s image, and that He calls you good (Genesis 1:27). This is the confidence that no enemy can rob you of.


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To Make His Love Known~My Recovery From An Eating Disorder

I’ve been wringing my hands with the urge to write this for the past few months, but to be honest, I never thought I’d muster up the courage to. My name is Emily, and God has set me free to recover from an eating disorder.

Okay, now that I can breathe again, I think you should know why it’s even relevant that I would share such intimate details of my life with you. I believe in obedience to God. I know that He has great plans for me, and I’ve also learned that He uses the pain from our past to help heal the wounds of others.

With the encouragement of my mom and other family and friends, I am finally sharing why I believe so strongly in telling other women about their beauty and worth in Christ.

Growing up, I had a lot of issues with self confidence. It didn’t help that in high school I developed chronic health issues that are difficult for others to understand. I’ve always been a bit different, but instead of embracing who I was in God, it made me feel depressed and anxious.

When you combine that with digestive issues that make eating difficult, food starts to become the enemy. Every bite makes you nervous about how you’ll feel after you consume it. No matter what you do, the lies from the enemy inside your head remind you that you’re never good enough anyway.

We live in a world dominated by the media telling girls and women what we should look like. Be thin, but have curves. Have flawless skin, that’s neither too pale nor too dark. Be the image of perfection that cannot exist in a human being.

Even though I’ve always been thin, it hasn’t immunized me against the effects of these messages. Truthfully, my lowest weight had nothing to do with my eating disorder. During my second year of college, I developed hyperthyroidism. I lost ten pounds and was always weak and tired. I thought I was dying.

As I became healthier and went back to my normal weight, I found myself being challenged by body image, food, and the lies that pervade our society. That’s when three revelations dawned on me:

1. Weight doesn’t really change the things in life that are beyond my control. It also doesn’t make me more worthy or lovable.

2. Eating might always be challenging for me because of my IBS, but food has never been, and never will be, the enemy. 

3. I can’t live a life that’s fully surrendered to God while holding on to my eating disorder. 

While those first two truths are extremely valuable, number three has been the key to my freedom. A year ago,  I made the decision to really recover while at Winter Camp with the youth group I help lead. Although I was eating like a normal person, my heart and mind still weren’t in the right place. I wasn’t all-in.

It was at this camp when I felt and saw Jesus move in incredible ways. I helped students come to know the Lord and saw young women and men devote their lives to God with such passion that I wanted it too. So I surrendered–right there in the crowd of hundreds of students. I quietly sobbed and told Jesus that He could finally have all of me. I wouldn’t hold back anymore.

It’s been a full year now since this decision, and I’ll tell you that though recovery is hard, it was so worth it. Though I still have IBS, it is better managed and I can embrace food again. I have found my identity and worth in Christ, and it has changed the way I see myself and others.

Although I still struggle with depression and anxiety at times, I no longer feel held captive to those dark emotions. God has lifted that weight off of my shoulders. I have a long way to go with self confidence, but I’m growing. I’m blooming.

What I want my girls out there to know–whether you’re a friend, family, a student, or a reader who has just stumbled upon my blog–is that you’re beautiful. You don’t have to change your size or the food you eat to make yourself feel worthy of love. God has always seen your worth.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (Psalm 139:13-14 NIV)

I also want you to know, lovely one, that if you’re struggling with an eating disorder–or any other kind of mental or emotional battle–that you need to speak up! The devil wants to lock you in a box of shame, but God has come to set you free.  Please tell a pastor, counselor, parent, or call a hotline. You are not alone in this fight.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (Galatians 5:1 NIV).

The only way we can help change the world is by letting God have control of our own lives first. The love of Jesus is the only perfect love that exists, and what I want more than anything is for everyone reading this to experience this freeing love. I want it to crash over you and cleanse every part of your life.

Lovely reader, I want you to be filled to the brim with the love of God, so that you can pour it out on this thirsty and broken world. That is why I shared my story.

This is my purpose–to be loved by God and to make His love known. 

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. (1 Peter 2:9 NIV)


Thanks for reading! Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below 🙂

Connect with me on Instagram @fearfullywonderfullyme

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