I didn’t realize what a hypocrite I can be until I broke down in my room a couple of weeks ago. I was in the midst of making decisions about my education and the fear of the future was absolutely crippling.

I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t even write. I was crying and crawling into my bed, wishing that I could just quit adulting.

Ever felt that way before, lovely reader? I have a feeling I’m not alone.

The only problem is that I didn’t feel like I could turn to God.  

I write a lot on overcoming anxiety and trusting God, so freaking out and having a meltdown makes me feel like a huge failure–like my faith isn’t real enough. 

Eventually God tugged at my heart enough to pray. And that’s when it hit me. Jesus freaked out too. Don’t believe me?

Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and said to the disciples, “Sit here while I go and pray over there.”  And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and He began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed. Then He said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me.” (Matthew 26:36-38 NKJV)

Jesus was greatly troubled in the garden of Gethsemane–enough to sweat drops of blood (Luke 22:44). I believe this is God’s way of saying, “I get it. I understand your fears. It’s okay.”

It’s okay to be afraid sometimes.

Is that hard for you to read, lovely reader? It probably is, considering that most Christians are taught that fear is a sign of a lack of faith. Now I’m not saying that we should go around living in fear all the time, but God can actually take our fears and work wonders in them.

Jesus was with me that day I broke down. He made me ask myself, do I trust Him enough to open up about my fear? Am I ready for that kind of intimacy with God?

If you want to let go of your fears, then you’re going to have to let Jesus experience them with you. 

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:6-7 NKJV)

How great is our God that He constantly wants to talk with us? Although a lot of times we try to figure out how we should feel and pray, God just wants us to come as we are.  We can only grow when we are honest and vulnerable, allowing God’s power and grace to work within us.

This is how fear becomes faith. 

I know that I am slowly growing in my faith and learning to trust Jesus. But in the meantime, I’m going to let Him into all of my human moments and feelings–even the messy ones.


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