Fearfully Wonderfully Me

Growing in God and Inspiring Young Women Through Faith and Fashion

Tag: anxiety (page 1 of 7)

The Promise of His Presence

Why is it that you can seem to have everything, and yet feel so empty and alone?

This world promises us happiness and fulfillment in so many ways: money, relationships, jobs, new experiences–the list goes on.

The Hollow Promise 

But what happens when that’s not enough? What about that hollow feeling? The one tugging at you, making you work until your knuckles bleed, so you can forget that it’s there.

The hollowness that leaks out as tears as you lie awake in bed at night. The hollow feeling that makes people cut, starve, and lash out at others?

This post isn’t pretty, but it’s real and raw. Because I’ve been there.

I know what it’s like to have people around you, even loving you, and still feel lonely. I know the dread of falling asleep, only to wake up to another day of pretending that everything is okay.

But I also know of the only thing that can fill this void–this hollow promise of the world around me.

His name is Jesus. 

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6 NIV)

Made for More

When I look to myself or anything else to fulfill me, I always come up empty. The glow of clothing and makeup fades after a few days. Confidence in my own performance is never a guarantee.

It’s not that I don’t take joy in things outside of God. On the contrary, we weren’t made to live outside of God. 

I love my life. I love my home, my work, and my husband. But none of these things–not even marriage–can take the place of God.

We were made for more than what we can see in front of us. That hollow feeling points us to our need for the Great I Am.

A Love That Never Leaves 

Jesus promised that He would never leave us as orphans. Though everyone else may reject or misunderstand us, our Lord gives us His Holy Spirit to comfort us and make us His sons and daughters.

I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. (John 14: 18-19 NIV

There is no friendship as beautiful as the one we can have with Jesus. He hears every prayer and sees every tear.

He is the most faithful husband. For better or worse, Jesus isn’t going anywhere. When we repent of our sins, the Lord forgives and forgets them. He has also purposefully forgotten how to leave us.

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The Promise of His Presence

God’s love is that strong. His love is that unbreakable.

Lovely one, this post may not have started off pretty, but my prayer is that it filled you with hope.

The promise of the presence of God is the greatest joy we can ever attain. It is the only joy that nothing in this world can ever take away.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)

Will you choose the promise of Jesus today? 

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Chasing Worth

I was having lunch with my aunt when she told me about a memory she had of me when I was about seven years old. She said that on my 7th Easter, my cousin and I stood up in church and dedicated our lives to Jesus.

My memory of this is super cloudy, and we never went to church much when I was a kid. However, I always felt that God was real, and that He was drawing me in.

Fast-forward from that childhood moment to ten years later, when I was seventeen and falling apart. I had just broken up with my first boyfriend and was starving myself.

I felt depressed and hopeless, to the point of self-harm. Shame consumed me. I truly thought that the world would be better off without me.

I remember the nights of lying in bed weeping and fighting hunger, asking God if He was there and if He would help me get to sleep. Within a few minutes I would drift off into a warm slumber.

The love of Jesus found other ways to pursue me. I stumbled upon Christian songs and movies, and eventually my mom and I decided to go to church. I was saved the November of my junior year, but the real battle had just begun.

Crumbling Worth

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Soon I started college. I tried finding my worth in places that always crumbled—boys, achievements, looks—they all failed me. I developed chronic health issues, as well as anxiety. Food became a battle, as my digestive issues made it hard to eat.

I hated the way I looked, even though I was thin from being ill. I isolated myself frequently, until one day, a sweet girl invited me to the church college group. Though I was terrified to go, I actually made friends. Slowly, my relationship with Jesus grew stronger.

The things I was stuck in—such as anxiety and disordered eating—lost their grip on my heart. When I became a leader for the church youth group, I realized I wanted more from life than focusing on the superficial or worldly pursuits I was used to.

During an intensive winter retreat with the youth three years ago, I fully surrendered my life to the Lord. Although I still struggle with anxiety or negative self-image at times, I now recognize these feelings as weapons the devil uses to keep us from God.

I now eat healthily and for the first time in years, I appreciate the body God gave me. Panic attacks and breakdowns are decreasing, and when they happen, I know the Lord is always there to hold me through it. Even my physical health is improving!

A Changed Heart

Chasing Worth

Since I decided to follow Jesus with my whole heart, my life has changed. I found meaning and purpose for my life, and am able to love others better.

There is a cost, of course. I had to give up my old ways of living. But I consider that as nothing compared to the life Christ has given me through His death and resurrection. I may not be perfect, but my Savior is.

As my aunt reminded me of my childhood salvation, I couldn’t help but smile. Although I didn’t understand what that fully entailed as a child, it opened my heart to the Lord.

Now it all makes sense why I’ve always felt Jesus there, even in the midst of my darkest moments. The love of my Father has never left me. God pursues me no matter where I run, and He reminds me that my worth is rooted in Him alone.

Will you make a choice today, lovely one? Will you stop running from God and chasing worth in things that will always fail you? Jesus is ready for you to come home. You don’t have to chase self-worth or love. It was already won for you on the cross.

The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” (Jeremiah 31:3 NIV)

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Finding Your Anchor in Life’s Storms

I shall not be moved; I shall not be shaken. How many times have I repeated these familiar Bible verses in my mind, thinking that as long as I am truly rooted in God, nothing will ever rock my world.

I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. (Psalm 16:8 NIV)

But the world keeps rocking and rolling all around me, and sometimes, no matter how hard I cling to the grace of God, I find myself rolling along with it.

I shake with every burst of bad news. I tighten my grip as my feet slip on unexpected losses or financial stress. No one is immune to the unsteady waves of this sinful world.

So how do we stay rooted?

One day I realized that I had it all wrong just asking this question. It was during my lunch hour at my new job. I was sitting outside on the patio, watching the ripples of the company pond as people walked along the wrap-around trail.

It was a breezy day, and I noticed how the ornamental grass waved about in the wind. I marveled at how even though the thin, almost hair-like blades of grass swayed and rocked, they were never uprooted.

Steady they held on, anchored in the ground by an invisible root system designed to protect them from life’s wind and rain.

And that’s when I heard the voice of Jesus whisper that He is my anchor.

This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil, (Hebrews 6:19 NKJV)

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Finding Your Anchor in Life's Storms

Life will move us, lovely one. It will move our earthly bodies and minds in ways that feel almost impossible to recover from. But when we anchor ourselves in the love and salvation of our Savior, we find that our eternal soul and spirit can never be moved.

Just like that plant, we have an invisible root system that anchors us in the Kingdom of God. This allows us to walk confidently through the storms of this life, knowing that our God is always holding onto us.

Though the earth give way and the mountains be cast into the midst of the sea, we remain rooted in Christ. Although life and the choices we make may move us, God always has us right where He wants us.

I want to remember that I always have an anchor in the unsteady waves of this world.  I want to remember how all that I am is secured in the loving arms of my Father.

Thanks for reading! Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below 🙂

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When It Feels Like Your Life Has No Direction

I remember sitting in the library of my local community college. I was trying to figure out what career I wanted to pursue, and how to go about life while facing a chronic illness.

Any young adult can relate to the pressures of this world. It’s like as soon as you turn 18, you need to have everything all figured out.

College majors, jobs, dating, and relationships. There’s just so much to figure out, and sometimes it feels like you’re the only one without a clue of what to do–the only one without direction.

When you feel like your life has no direction, this is actually an opportunity for God to reveal His purpose in incredible ways.

A Godly Perspective

God is omniscient, which means He knows everything. He has an eternal perspective that our human minds can’t comprehend.

Although we may feel lost or confused in this life, nothing about our lives ever takes Jesus by surprise.

I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say, ‘My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.’ (Isaiah 46:10 NIV)

Sometimes we face challenges or disappointments that rattle our faith. Whenever we face life’s hurdles, we have two choices:

We can choose to reject God and trust in ourselves (or give up), or we can cling to the promise that His ways are higher than ours.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9 NIV)

God’s plans may be different from ours, but that’s a good thing! My life looks drastically different than I thought it would 3 years ago, and I’m so thankful for that now.

Surrendering to Purpose 

Trusting in God and clinging to His promises starts with surrender. Often times we want our lives to go a certain way, and when there’s a plot twist, we feel lost. Other times, we just don’t know what it is God’s calling us to do.

There’s beauty in not knowing. This is where our faith can truly flourish. When God derails our plans, it’s always because His purpose is greater.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28 NIV)

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When It Feels Like Your Life Has No Direction

Although it may seem like we are walking in darkness, God is leading us down a path that develops faith, character, and promise.

When it suddenly feels like you’ve lost all direction, this is the perfect opportunity to say “I trust You Lord,” and surrender your future to the one who is always faithful.

A Present Direction

So we know that Jesus is good, and that we can surrender our lives to him in full trust. But what action can we take to better our lives in the waiting?

As a recent college graduate, I know all too well the haunting uncertainties of the future. What will my career be? How will I take care of myself financially?

Worrying about the future doesn’t do anything but make us feel stressed and worn out. I recently received a wise word that has helped me through this season of uncertainty.

Live in the present moment.

Although this might sound like a hippie slogan, it’s actually Biblical.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:33-34 NIV)

God has everything all figured out, and when we surrender our lives to Him, His plans will always come to pass.

We find joy every day while focusing on the Lord and the small ministries he places before us. When we worry over our lives, we miss out on the opportunity to love others and build God’s Kingdom.

When you live a life that’s fully surrendered to God and His daily provision, there is a peace and joy that goes beyond all understanding.

Maybe we got it all wrong. Perhaps a life with an earthly direction isn’t as important as we thought. Maybe our plans are just a distraction from the true purpose God has given us.

A woman who is dedicated to Jesus has a life of purpose and direction. When we look to the Kingdom instead of this world, we find all that we are truly looking for.


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What Failure Taught Me About Surrender

Ever have one of those days when your thoughts seem to be haunting you? Lately, those days have been frequent for me.

I feel as though God has been working on me about confidence and my identity in Christ, but my own mind likes to self-sabotage.

Life is changing rapidly for me, as I am finishing college and will be getting a real “adult” job. The class and internship work is piling up, and now I know what my friends meant by the term senioritis.

All of this is a recipe for stress and opportunity, and that also means failure.

And I hate failing. I really hate failing.

As a perfectionist, I struggle with anxiety and self-esteem issues. But I know I’m not alone. There are so many people out there who struggle with anxiety and depression.

As I’ve been praying to God about all of this, there is one word He has laid on my heart.

Surrender.

Surrender is the key to freedom, and it is also transforming. If you’re struggling with negative or haunting thoughts, then I urge you to keep reading about what surrender has taught me.

Surrendering Our Broken Pieces

I’ve been a serious Christian for a few years now, and I always thought that surrender just meant giving all of my plans and dreams to the Lord–to let Him have control of my future.

But surrender is so much more than that.

Yes, we should surrender our plans and our desires to the Lord. His plans are better than anything we could ever dream of. And when we trust in God, He will lead us on the most amazing journey ever.

But there’s a lot more to surrender than just giving up the good parts of our lives.

Pain, shame, sin, and fear. These are the things the enemy wants us to hold onto. This is how the devil keeps us in bondage.

Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. (Isaiah 53:4-5 NIV)

When Jesus took up the cross and died for our sins, He also bore all of our shame and pain. All of the things that haunt us and hold us back from a great life are things He died to free us from.

Christ died to nail our broken pieces to the cross. And He left an empty grave behind in order to fill the emptiness in our lives.

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Christ fills our emptiness image

The Transformation of Surrender

When we get stuck in our pain or fears, then we get wrapped up in ourselves. We start to feel bad about our lives, and then an evil menace seeps into our hearts.

Pride.

I know that when I have a bad day and think of all the mistakes I’ve made, I miss out on opportunities to do good things for others.

When we get too wrapped up in ourselves, then we cannot fully serve the Lord. It’s the enemy’s trap, but we have the keys to freedom.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! (2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV)

When we choose to follow Christ, we become new creations! We can surrender our pain and mistakes and choose to live a new life with God.

None of us are perfect, and that is why Jesus died for us. This is what Easter is all about. The blood of Jesus covers us, and His grace is bigger than any of our mistakes.

Each new day with God is a fresh start, and we can always choose to move forward in victory.

But it all starts with surrender.


Thanks for reading! I hope you have a blessed Good Friday and Easter. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below 🙂

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Connect with me on Instagram @fearfullywonderfullyme

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