Fearfully Wonderfully Me

Growing in God and Inspiring Young Women Through Faith and Fashion

Tag: dating (Page 2 of 3)

The True Strength of Christian Friendships (Guest Post)

March 8, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Hello lovely readers and followers! This week  I wrote a guest post on friendship for M Words and the Christian Woman, a lovely blog I contribute too. Below is a preview and link to the post. Please read and share! 

“We’ve bought into the enemy’s lie that we can’t live a fulfilling life without a man. And because of this, we forget the sisterhood God gave us.”

“There is nothing wrong with wanting to be married or in a relationship. Those are healthy and wonderful desires that God honors for many. But we don’t even realize that it takes a healthy spiritual life and strong friendships in order to build our character for a serious relationship.”

Christian friendship

Read the rest of this post here! 

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to the girl who feels unlovable

To the Girl Who Feels Unlovable

February 14, 2018 / / 8 Comments

To the Girl Who Feels Unlovable, 

The day is here. A day of celebration and romance for people in relationships. But for many, it’s a reminder of loneliness.

Although you can choose to make the most of Valentine’s Day as a single person, sometimes heartache just won’t let you.

I was that girl last winter. The girl who worried that she may remain single forever. Let’s face it, finding a nice, Godly man is difficult in today’s world. And it seems nearly impossible when you feel you are unlovable.

As someone who is battling a chronic illness, I often felt that a guy would want nothing to do with me. After all, a lot of days I struggled  just to make it through class or homework. How in the world could I keep up with all of the Instagram-worthy adventurous dates my peers always posted?

I felt hopeless because I couldn’t see my value.

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What God Sees

If you read last week’s post, then you already have a firm foundation on which your true value lies. It cannot be based on our holiness, because we are sinners who are not worthy of God’s holy presence.

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. (2 Corinthians 5:21 NIV)

Even though we are not worthy of salvation on our own, Jesus willingly gave up His life for us anyway. That’s right, lovely one. You are loved enough for God to give up His only Son as a permanent sacrifice for your sins.

If that isn’t heroic and romantic, I don’t know what is.

Although we can’t always see our own value, God does. He loves you no matter what–whether single or married. He loves you even though you have a scarred past or struggle with sin. He loves you even if you’re battling illness or just don’t fit in.

And this will never change.

The Lie of the Unlovable

Sometimes we have to keep reminding ourselves of our value in God’s eyes. The enemy wants you to believe that you’ll be forever alone. And that if you’re single, it means there’s something wrong with you.

Those are lies. Although I can’t guarantee you a spouse, I can promise that God is faithful and knows what’s best for your life. Keep praying and seeking the Lord in your singleness, and you’ll find abundant blessings in your life.

When I was afraid that my health issues made me unworthy of love, a friend of mine reminded me of a beautiful truth.

A man who God wants you to be with will love you for who you are inside, not just for what you can do.

True love is for who you are

True love is about loving someone completely–even their “unlovable” parts. This is what God does for us, and this is the grace that allows relationships to truly thrive.

Just because a guy hasn’t seen your value yet, it doesn’t negate your worth. Good things take time to grow, and the right one is worth the wait.

Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right. (Song of Songs 8:4 NLT)

Your True Identity 

After finally surrendering my dreams of romance and marriage to God, and allowing Him to become my source of confidence, I found unsurpassing peace.

If you’ve been keeping up with my posts, then you probably know I’m in a relationship now. Love is crazy, scary, and good. And when it is real, it goes beyond what we think about ourselves.

To the girl who feels unlovable, I understand. I was you not too long ago, and sometimes I still struggle.

Being in a relationship does not mean you will feel confident and perfectly happy all of the time. People are flawed, and the enemy still creeps in with lies.

But I now know that I am valued by God, no matter what my relationship status is. And so are you, lovely one. Whether you are single or in a relationship, please know that you are loved beyond measure.

God loves the unlovable of this world. He calls you valuable, He calls you daughter, He calls you redeemed.

He calls you His.

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. (Ephesians 2:4-5 NIV)

Thanks for reading! Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below 🙂

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dating

My Problem with Christian Dating

October 4, 2017 / / 14 Comments

Okay, normally I try not to rant on here, but I’ve recently read something that made me lose it.

It was midnight, and I was looking online for devotions for dating couples. And then somehow I stumbled upon some forum post from a Christian girl saying she refused to do devotionals with a boyfriend because she wanted to guard her heart.

Yup. She said even praying together was too intimate–more than sex!

I’m not trying to judge this person, as we all have different convictions. And she did have some good points about making sure people are solid in their faith personally before entering a relationship.

The real problem I’m having is that I see this type of thinking in a lot of Christian relationships.

Guard your heart. Protect yourself. No intimacy of any kind.

No vulnerability.

Why Are We Guarding? 

Sometimes as Christians, we can take scripture and twist it in ways that seem harmless, but are actually out of balance.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. (Proverbs 4:23 NIV)

When Jesus tells us to guard our hearts, it’s not so we can shut people out. We need to guard our hearts from sin so we can love others better–so love can flow from us.

I used to be afraid because when I was younger and not a serious Christian, I was in relationships that I gave my heart into–foolishly.

That’s my nature. I’m caring, and I’m not afraid to love. I did make mistakes, but I’ve also learned a lot and how to do things better.

Because of what I read online from Christian articles, I honestly feared I would never find love again. That I had given too much of my emotions or self away. That God would deny me a future with someone to love.

But as always, Jesus proved me wrong. And right now I’m in a relationship with someone amazing (although imperfect–just like me) who loves Jesus too.

The Risk of Love

Lovely one, please remember that you are the daughter of a God of redemption. A God of grace.

A God of love.

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. (1 John 3:16 NIV)

Jesus didn’t die for us to shut ourselves away from love or to think we are unworthy of love. He died because He saw us–in our sin and mess–and said we were worth the cost.

Love isn’t safe. It’s risky. But love isn’t something to guard yourself from.

After all, the cross was pretty risky, right? Why on earth would we be commanded to love one another if it was easy?

Finding Freedom

Don't be afraid of love dating quote

Of course, we shouldn’t throw caution to the wind with dating. Love and marriage are important commitments. We should pray and read the Word while asking for wisdom.

But let’s stop dating like scared little girls who won’t let anyone in and calling it Biblical, okay?

Date with purity and reverence for God. Take things slow. Pray and read the Word together. As you grow closer, you will develop a spiritual intimacy that will show whether or not you can ever have a healthy marriage.

This advice isn’t just for dating relationships either. Learning to love with honesty and vulnerability is the key to having thriving relationships in all areas of our lives. Of course it doesn’t always come easily, but God walks with us one step at a time.

Don’t be afraid to love. It’s the very thing that sets us free.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13 NIV)

Thanks for reading! Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below 🙂

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Valentine’s Day Validation

February 8, 2017 / / 10 Comments

Valentine’s Day–the day for couples to shower each other with gifts, chocolates, and fancy dates. And the day for single women to watch chick flicks (Princess Diaries anyone?) while eating their weight in chocolate.  I’ve actually been on both sides of this holiday, and to be honest, there’s a lot more hype about Valentine’s Day than there really should be.

One of my blogger friends Courtney asked me if I was going to do a Valentine’s Day post. Truthfully, I kind of forgot about that! But it soon hit me that this kind of post is needed not only for myself, but for all single women.

A couple of nights ago I walked into a drug store and found myself trudging down the dreaded red and pink aisle full of candy and oversize stuffed bears and felt pretty depressed.

It was like I had a giant lacy red sign above my head reading “Not Good Enough” for the world to see. That whole night I felt kind of melancholy, but I just couldn’t figure out why. As I was trying to do some homework while listening to worship music, I felt so drawn to worship God that I had to put my pen down.  And that’s when it hit me:

The whole day I was seeking validation from anything but the only One who can truly fulfill my deepest desires. I was searching for worth, love, and satisfaction by daydreaming of romance and candy hearts instead of finding it in my precious Jesus.

Now there’s nothing wrong with liking romance or wanting to be married one day (one of my favorite things to write is a good love story), but we have to be careful not to make idols out of these things–whether we are single, dating, or even married.

A friend recently recommended a book called Get Lost by Dannah Gresh, and I have to say that as I read through it, I found that it is one of the most refreshing books on dating and romance out there. Instead of just telling us how to nab a Godly guy (or how to avoid them like the plague), it gets to the root of why us women can become so obsessed with romance.

Gresh calls it the “Violent Craving,” and you can read more about that in her book if you want. Basically, before the fall of man, God was the only One who could fulfill the desires of man and womankind. Since sin has entered the picture, we seek validation and satisfaction in things other than God. As I read Get Lost, I found myself nodding my head in agreement to everything she wrote.

Think about it lovely reader. How many ways have you tried to seek validation in your life? Maybe it was a relationship or obsession with some cute guy. Maybe it was planning your whole wedding on Pinterest (without even having an engagement ring on your finger).

Maybe your validation doesn’t even come from romantic things. Maybe it comes from dieting and weight loss, social media likes, or clothes. Trust me, I get it. I’ve been that girl standing in the Valentine’s Day aisle of Walgreens trying not to cry. I’ve been that girl looking in the mirror trying not to feel less than adequate.

The only difference is that I’m starting to realize where my true validation lies. This is the truth that I want you to know:

God made you valid when He died for you on the cross.

 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. (John 15:13 NIV)

There is no greater measure of love and worth than this. A Godly relationship is a great blessing to look forward to, but it can’t make you whole. Looking good is a fun hobby, but it won’t bring you true joy. All of the things the world offers us as a temporary fix only masks the true remedy we all need–Jesus.

This Valentine’s Day, whether you are single or in a relationship, I challenge you to remember where your worth and identity truly lie. I challenge you to remember that there is no one or nothing on this planet that can validate you more than Jesus Christ. His love is the kind of love we need to be chasing after.

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:37-39 NIV)

Thanks for reading! Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below 🙂

(Note: I am not affiliated with the product above. All opinions are my own.)

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The Single Life~Day 3 of The 30 Day Blog Challenge

January 5, 2017 / / 11 Comments

Hello lovely readers and followers! Welcome back to Day 3 of the 30 Day Blog Challenge. 

Today’s Topic: Describe Being Single

Well, I’ve already written a guest post on being a single Christian lady, but I didn’t really share my personal experience. I guess that’s because writing about love and relationships is a very personal and sensitive topic to approach.

I’ve dated before. I had a couple of relationships in high school that ended badly, and one at the beginning of college that wasn’t what God wanted for me. Right now I am single, and I would say that I am pretty content–most of the time. There are definitely moments I wish I was in a relationship, especially during holidays and family gatherings. But most of the time I’m so busy with school, writing, and church, that I hardly notice it.

I guess one of the biggest worries for a single Christian woman is if they will remain that way forever (assuming they want to be married one day). I do want to be married one day, but I’m quite young to be worried about timing I guess. I know I just need to trust that God is a good Father with good plans for my life. He knows what I need, and He knows what you need. We just have to wait on His timing.

I guess the plan for my single years is to glorify God as much as I can, growing in my faith and having a blast while doing it. I am working on building friendships with other Christians and discovering the talents and gifts God has instilled in me. Of course, it’s a rocky road being a twenty-something girl with no clue what the future holds. But isn’t that in itself kind of romantic and inspiring?

Life is an adventure, and I want to make the most of it–even the challenging parts. God can use a single person just as much as He can a married person, if not more (Hello Jesus and Paul!). So I guess this is my prime time to help make an impact on the world around me.

Yes, I am single–but that’s okay! Even though I sometimes wonder about my mysterious future husband, I am happy. Yup, that’s right. I am happy–right here and right now. My joy is Christ, and He has blessed me beyond belief.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well (Matthew 6:33 NIV).

Thanks for reading! Please feel free to comment and share. 

Make sure to check out Courtney at 1Timothy4:12Girl as she partners with me in this challenge! I’ll be back tomorrow with Day 4 of the challenge 🙂

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