Fearfully Wonderfully Me

Growing in God and Inspiring Young Women Through Faith and Fashion

Tag: eating disorder (page 1 of 2)

Chasing Worth

I was having lunch with my aunt when she told me about a memory she had of me when I was about seven years old. She said that on my 7th Easter, my cousin and I stood up in church and dedicated our lives to Jesus.

My memory of this is super cloudy, and we never went to church much when I was a kid. However, I always felt that God was real, and that He was drawing me in.

Fast-forward from that childhood moment to ten years later, when I was seventeen and falling apart. I had just broken up with my first boyfriend and was starving myself.

I felt depressed and hopeless, to the point of self-harm. Shame consumed me. I truly thought that the world would be better off without me.

I remember the nights of lying in bed weeping and fighting hunger, asking God if He was there and if He would help me get to sleep. Within a few minutes I would drift off into a warm slumber.

The love of Jesus found other ways to pursue me. I stumbled upon Christian songs and movies, and eventually my mom and I decided to go to church. I was saved the November of my junior year, but the real battle had just begun.

Crumbling Worth

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Soon I started college. I tried finding my worth in places that always crumbled—boys, achievements, looks—they all failed me. I developed chronic health issues, as well as anxiety. Food became a battle, as my digestive issues made it hard to eat.

I hated the way I looked, even though I was thin from being ill. I isolated myself frequently, until one day, a sweet girl invited me to the church college group. Though I was terrified to go, I actually made friends. Slowly, my relationship with Jesus grew stronger.

The things I was stuck in—such as anxiety and disordered eating—lost their grip on my heart. When I became a leader for the church youth group, I realized I wanted more from life than focusing on the superficial or worldly pursuits I was used to.

During an intensive winter retreat with the youth three years ago, I fully surrendered my life to the Lord. Although I still struggle with anxiety or negative self-image at times, I now recognize these feelings as weapons the devil uses to keep us from God.

I now eat healthily and for the first time in years, I appreciate the body God gave me. Panic attacks and breakdowns are decreasing, and when they happen, I know the Lord is always there to hold me through it. Even my physical health is improving!

A Changed Heart

Chasing Worth

Since I decided to follow Jesus with my whole heart, my life has changed. I found meaning and purpose for my life, and am able to love others better.

There is a cost, of course. I had to give up my old ways of living. But I consider that as nothing compared to the life Christ has given me through His death and resurrection. I may not be perfect, but my Savior is.

As my aunt reminded me of my childhood salvation, I couldn’t help but smile. Although I didn’t understand what that fully entailed as a child, it opened my heart to the Lord.

Now it all makes sense why I’ve always felt Jesus there, even in the midst of my darkest moments. The love of my Father has never left me. God pursues me no matter where I run, and He reminds me that my worth is rooted in Him alone.

Will you make a choice today, lovely one? Will you stop running from God and chasing worth in things that will always fail you? Jesus is ready for you to come home. You don’t have to chase self-worth or love. It was already won for you on the cross.

The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” (Jeremiah 31:3 NIV)

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NEDA Week and the Call of the Gospel

For those of you who don’t know, February 26-March 4 is NEDA week. NEDA week is about raising awareness for different types of eating disorders and encouraging recovery. It’s about ending the stigma and shame associated with this branch of mental illness.

It’s about saving the lives of women and young girls, who die physically and spiritually from this disease every year.

NEDA Meets Jesus

If you’ve been following my blog for a while, then you may know that I have struggled with an eating disorder.

Mine was not the type that anyone noticed. I did not stop eating or puke, and I have always been naturally thin. However, due to a mix of low self-esteem, anxiety, and health issues affecting my digestive system, I had a very negative view of eating.

Two years ago I made the life-changing choice of recovery. I knew that I couldn’t serve both God and an eating disorder, so with the help of the Lord, online support groups, and a close friend, I started getting better.

I thought that I would never win this mental battle, and truthfully, the devil still haunts my mind with self-defeating thoughts. But everyday I’m getting stronger. The victory is God’s.

This is one of the reasons why I care so much about encouraging other young women. The Bible says we are to lift each other up, creating a ripple effect of impact on those around us.

Becoming an Example

Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. (Titus 2:3 NLT)

As women of God, we have been commanded to teach younger women how to lead God-honoring lives. We are supposed to be an example to those who don’t know Jesus or who are new to the faith.

That doesn’t mean we won’t make mistakes or struggle with sin. I know I am definitely not perfect. But we should be humble enough to admit our mistakes and learn from them. We should take what we’ve learned and teach younger women and girls.

One of the reasons I chose recovery is because I knew Christian women who were more mature in their faith. They poured into my life and guided me to the right path. They helped me learn my identity in Christ.

Answering the Call

Today there are girls in elementary school who diet and hate the way they look. They are turning to their phones and social media for validation. They idolize celebrities for their self worth.

These girls and teens are the enemy’s main target for mental illnesses such as eating disorders and depression.

While campaigns such as NEDA week are helpful and needed, the true cure for eating disorders is Jesus.

NEDA week and the call of the Gospel

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Only the power of Jesus can take away our fear of food. Only the salvation of Jesus can redeem our broken past. And only the love of Jesus can teach us how to love ourselves.

Lovely one, you are more valuable in the eyes of God than you will ever know. He wants you to root your identity in Him and be set free. He wants you to be a light for the next generation.

Young women and girls everywhere need our help. Will you rise up to answer the call?

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, (Isaiah 61:1 NIV)

If you or a loved one is struggling with an eating disorder, there is help! Please check out these links or contact me for additional information.

www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline (call or text support line)

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-treatment/treatment-and-support-groups (Find treatment)

Want a relationship with Jesus? Click here!


Thanks for reading! Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below 🙂

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Connect with me on Instagram @fearfullywonderfullyme

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How to Find Your Self Worth

This is going to sound totally cliché, but I had a real “God moment” at Chick Fil A a couple of weeks ago.

While I waited for my food, I noticed an older woman sitting in a wheel chair. My heart just melted. For some reason she reminded me of my grandma, who passed away last year.

The woman and I introduced ourselves and discussed flowers. As I was leaving the restaurant, she said something that caught me off guard:

It’s nice to know you. 

How many people do we meet everyday, yet we don’t even really know or see their worth? 

At that moment, when I looked into the woman’s dark yet vibrant eyes, I realized how important it is to actually be known by someone. To slow down and look at a person’s face and take it all in. To find out that their favorite flower is a purple cone flower.

If you want to know the key to finding your self worth, then please keep reading. 

Worth in Creation

There are a lot of people who are lost, not realizing their identity and worth in Christ. I know this because I was that person. As a teenager I didn’t feel like anyone saw me–unless they were looking at my flaws.

I know I’m not the only one who understands these feelings. Many teens and adults have experienced this. Maybe even you, lovely reader.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” (Jeremiah 1:5 NIV

It still blows my mind to know that God created me and set me apart–and it was for His own will and pleasure! You are not an accident, lovely one. No matter what anyone else says–whether they are a parent, friend, or someone else close to you–you matter.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (Psalm 139:13-14 NIV

Not only are we created by God, but He thinks we’re awesome! Although we are sinners, as soon as we come to know Christ, we are washed clean by His blood. This is when we can shine God’s light and see what He sees in us.

Worth in Relationship

“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me—” (John 10:14 NIV)

When we choose to follow Jesus, we enter into a relationship with Him that is more dynamic than we could ever fathom. Not only does God know us, but now we can get to know Him.

And that’s not all. Through this lifelong journey, we can also get to know ourselves. We can discover our strengths, weaknesses, and talents. We can watch God’s purpose for our lives unfold as we build a life with Him.

The only way you’ll ever find your worth is if you find yourself in Jesus. You won’t find it in earthly things like work, success, or relationships.

God knows you, and He wants every single piece of your heart. It’s amazing when somebody knows you, but there is nothing like being known by the King who created you. 


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An Unexpected Lesson on Confidence

There I was, looking in the mirror of the thrift store fitting room as I tried on a pair of super cute jeans. I didn’t like the reflection I saw, and for some reason,  I was having a hard time getting over it.

If you’ve been following my blog for a while now, then you know that I’m in recovery from an eating disorder.  Although I have come a long way, there are still moments when I lose confidence in who I am. This was one of those times.

As I threw on my regular clothes and left the fitting room, I tried to shrug off the negative thoughts about my appearance that I knew were just lies from the enemy. And that’s when I saw her.

She was sitting on an old dusty sofa, looking at her feet. I sat down beside her, unsure of what to say. This was a woman who was “different” in terms of what society says is beautiful or worthy of attention. She was a little overweight and wearing old clothes and no makeup. But her smile and voice could melt any heart.

When I started talking to her, I realized that she had a mental disability of some kind.  I couldn’t make out her name or a lot of what she tried to say to me,  but when I complimented her long braided hair, she lit up like a  candle.

After I left the thrift store, I sat in the car for a moment to pray for the woman, who I knew was very dear to God’s heart. And that’s when it hit me–God sees that woman, and He sees me too.

Jesus loves and died for that woman, just like He did for me. If I could see the beauty and worth in a complete stranger, then that must mean that God can see the beauty and worth in me, His beloved daughter.

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. (1 John 3:1 NIV

Isn’t it amazing how God uses the most unexpected people to speak into our lives? I sure hope I could bless that woman in some way because she sure was a gift to me. She reminded me that God created us all uniquely–with different strengths and weaknesses.

Once we become secured in our identity as children of God, we begin to view ourselves a whole lot differently. This world seems to be plagued by one identity crisis after another. Why? Because people don’t know Jesus and that they belong to Him.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (Psalm 139:13-14 NIV)

Lovely reader, the next time you feel like you’re not thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough, or good enough, remember that God sees you. Remember that He knows you in ways that you don’t even know yourself. And yet, despite our flaws and sins, He loves us anyway. The blood of Jesus makes us new.

I want you to remember this so that the next time you look in the mirror, you realize that you are made in God’s image, and that He calls you good (Genesis 1:27). This is the confidence that no enemy can rob you of.


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Bell Sleeves + Lent

Happy Friday lovely readers and followers! Even  though I am not Catholic, I still like to give something up for Lent. It’s like a great big fast, which is awesome for any community of Christian believers who partake in it together.

Most people give up some kind of food for Lent, but not this girl. I remember using Lent as an excuse to give up sweets, but it was all about restricting in order to serve my eating disorder

Since I am in recovery, I choose not to do food fasts. There are plenty of other things to give up, and the purpose of fasting is not to lose weight or change your diet any way. It’s to connect with Jesus.

So this year I am giving up nail biting for Lent. So far it hasn’t gone so well, but that is because I haven’t had the time to paint my nails.

I tend to go through cycles of letting my nails grow out, but then stress and anxiety will flare up this bad habit. I’m determined this time though! Do any of you struggle with nail biting? Please feel free to share your tips on quitting it below.

Okay, it’s time to talk fashion. Today’s collage is about Bell Sleeved Tops.

(See more of my Polyvore collections)

I have a confession to make.

I’ve never really liked flare sleeves. Any sleeve that is poofy or too voluminous is not really my style. I prefer a slim sleeve, but I decided to branch out this year and try a bell sleeve tunic!

I’m starting to really like this trend now. It’s very feminine and romantic, and it can really dress up a simple blouse. If you’re not sure on the bell sleeve trend, try a top with a subtle flare (like the one on the top left).

If you’re a bold fashionista, try a top with bows or ruffles on the sleeves (top right and bottom left). Embellishments add an extra bohemian vibe, which is always trending for spring.

Please keep me in your prayers as I paint my nails and fight my nail-biting with prayer! Hopefully all of the new spring fashion trends will keep me distracted. 🙂

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13 NKJV)


Thanks for reading! Are you giving something up for Lent/fasting? Let me know in the comments below 🙂

Connect with me on Instagram @fearfullywonderfullyme

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