Fearfully Wonderfully Me

Growing in God and Inspiring Young Women Through Faith and Fashion

Tag: self esteem

To the Girl Who Feels Unlovable

To the Girl Who Feels Unlovable, 

The day is here. A day of celebration and romance for people in relationships. But for many, it’s a reminder of loneliness.

Although you can choose to make the most of Valentine’s Day as a single person, sometimes heartache just won’t let you.

I was that girl last winter. The girl who worried that she may remain single forever. Let’s face it, finding a nice, Godly man is difficult in today’s world. And it seems nearly impossible when you feel you are unlovable.

As someone who is battling a chronic illness, I often felt that a guy would want nothing to do with me. After all, a lot of days I struggled  just to make it through class or homework. How in the world could I keep up with all of the Instagram-worthy adventurous dates my peers always posted?

I felt hopeless because I couldn’t see my value.

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What God Sees

If you read last week’s post, then you already have a firm foundation on which your true value lies. It cannot be based on our holiness, because we are sinners who are not worthy of God’s holy presence.

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. (2 Corinthians 5:21 NIV)

Even though we are not worthy of salvation on our own, Jesus willingly gave up His life for us anyway. That’s right, lovely one. You are loved enough for God to give up His only Son as a permanent sacrifice for your sins.

If that isn’t heroic and romantic, I don’t know what is.

Although we can’t always see our own value, God does. He loves you no matter what–whether single or married. He loves you even though you have a scarred past or struggle with sin. He loves you even if you’re battling illness or just don’t fit in.

And this will never change.

The Lie of the Unlovable

Sometimes we have to keep reminding ourselves of our value in God’s eyes. The enemy wants you to believe that you’ll be forever alone. And that if you’re single, it means there’s something wrong with you.

Those are lies. Although I can’t guarantee you a spouse, I can promise that God is faithful and knows what’s best for your life. Keep praying and seeking the Lord in your singleness, and you’ll find abundant blessings in your life.

When I was afraid that my health issues made me unworthy of love, a friend of mine reminded me of a beautiful truth.

A man who God wants you to be with will love you for who you are inside, not just for what you can do.

True love is for who you are

True love is about loving someone completely–even their “unlovable” parts. This is what God does for us, and this is the grace that allows relationships to truly thrive.

Just because a guy hasn’t seen your value yet, it doesn’t negate your worth. Good things take time to grow, and the right one is worth the wait.

Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right. (Song of Songs 8:4 NLT)

Your True Identity 

After finally surrendering my dreams of romance and marriage to God, and allowing Him to become my source of confidence, I found unsurpassing peace.

If you’ve been keeping up with my posts, then you probably know I’m in a relationship now. Love is crazy, scary, and good. And when it is real, it goes beyond what we think about ourselves.

To the girl who feels unlovable, I understand. I was you not too long ago, and sometimes I still struggle.

Being in a relationship does not mean you will feel confident and perfectly happy all of the time. People are flawed, and the enemy still creeps in with lies.

But I now know that I am valued by God, no matter what my relationship status is. And so are you, lovely one. Whether you are single or in a relationship, please know that you are loved beyond measure.

God loves the unlovable of this world. He calls you valuable, He calls you daughter, He calls you redeemed.

He calls you His.

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. (Ephesians 2:4-5 NIV)


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The Mask Effect

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Isn’t it funny how we fill our Instagram and Facebook feeds with pictures of our food or pets? We photograph and write about our lives for the sake of a like or follow.

Okay, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration. The truth is that we do like the attention (even I do). We like how social media can turn us into little online celebrities. However, sometimes scrolling through these sites for too long can make me feel depressed and shrink away my confidence. Do you ever feel that way, lovely reader?

What is the problem here? The cause of our social media induced anxiety is what I like to call the “Mask Effect.”

Online, we can be whoever we want to be. We can post nothing but the highlights of our lives (which we often do). We can edit our photos to give us the “perfect body,” or only post pictures of salads and kale smoothies for dinner (when most of the time we eat PB&J and pizza, right?).

We create a little utopia for ourselves, only the problem is, we’re not really living this out in real life. After all, no one is perfect.  The psychology term for this is cognitive dissonance.

I’m not saying social media is all bad, but it has become a mask to hide our true selves. We all want to feel worthy and loved, and social media seems to be our outlet for this. Social media is fun and useful. As a blogger, I use it frequently! But in order to utilize it in a healthy way, we need to recognize that our self-worth does not come from other people’s approval.

The only true source of self-worth and love can come from Jesus. He is the well that never runs empty.

Jesus answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life” (John 4:13-14 NKJV).

When we seek after the things of this world, like approval from people, we can never be truly satisfied. Only God can satisfy us with a love that never fails. 

Life is a balance. Enjoy your social media, but remember that’s not all life is about. Keep your heart and mind focused on God, and you will find true peace and joy that can never be taken away.

I have set the Lord always before me; Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; My flesh also will rest in hope (Psalm 16:8-9 NKJV).


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A Life Worth Noticing

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Have you ever laid out the on the grass, gazing at the stars as you try (and fail) to number them? Have you ever been struck by the glowing water colors of a sunrise or sunset? Have you ever stood at the shore of the ocean or a great lake and felt infinitely small?

Imagine the God who created all of these things. The God who made the entire universe with His hands (Psalm 8:3)! And then there’s…us.

I don’t know about you, but most of the time I feel like a pretty ordinary person. I go to college, babysit, write, and go to church. And yeah, that’s all awesome, but then I go on Instagram and see all of these posts by girls who travel and have all of the perfect clothes, jobs, and looks. Is it just me, or does everyone look like a celebrity on social media these days?

Now obviously everyone is a person, just the same as you and me. However, getting caught up in the boring daily grind can make us feel just so…ordinary. Or even less than that.

I was struggling with these feelings one day when God spoke into my heart. He reminded me this:

God is our Father. We are His children, so we carry His attributes. Now I’m not saying that we’re God or perfect like Jesus. But what I am saying is that God made us in His image, therefore we all possess some of His unique traits.

 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. (Genesis 1:27 NKJV).

Are you a musician or an artist? God gave you that part of Himself. Are you a writer or public speaker? Again, that is one of God’s gifts. Maybe you carry the humility or service of Jesus in your heart. The beauty of it is that we’re all unique and special to God.

Do you want to change the way you see yourself and others? Practice what Jesus did–notice people.

When He had come down from the mountain, great multitudes followed Him. And behold, a leper came and worshiped Him, saying, “Lord, if You are willing, You can make me clean.”

 Then Jesus put out His hand and touched him, saying, “I am willing; be cleansed.” Immediately his leprosy was cleansed (Matthew 8:1-3 NKJV). 

In Biblical times, people did not even go near those with leprosy. They were pretty much forgotten. Jesus not only noticed the man with leprosy, but he actually touched him! Have you ever felt the hand of God reach out and touch you at your worst? One reason why Jesus’ love is so special is because He notices us.

When my Grandma Jean was dying in the hospital, I had the amazing opportunity to notice people. I took the time to notice the crying woman alone in the next bed and got to pray with her. I took the time to notice how dry my Grandma’s feet were and rub them with lotion.

No, these are not Instagram worthy acts that will make us famous, but they are acts of love that will make Jesus famous.

If you want to see just how much God loves the world, including you, take the time to notice those around you. Ask God to give you His heart of compassion. You are not just an ordinary person. Any life that points to Jesus is a life of eternal importance. 


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